The U.S. accidentally launched several ICBMs this morning. We have only hours before the counterstrike kills us all.
The incident began when Sgt. Stan Lorraine of NORAD attempted to swat a fly that had landed on his console, inadvertently hitting the launch button and starting world war three. “We have safeguards to prevent this sort of thing,” said General Jacoby, “But they were turned off at the time for cleaning purposes.”
Satellites show that the Russian counter-attack has already begun, with their entire compliment of missiles set to hit the east coast within two hours, and the west coast within four. The U.S. has intentionally launched its remaining missiles at Russia in response, and at North Korea because we might as well.
The fallout from these strikes will kill all life on Earth within about two days, but the internet will cease to exist almost instantly from the electro-magnetic pulses, making this my final post.
So it’s been a pleasure amusing you all for what time we had together, may you all rest in peace and may whatever survives evolve to do a better job than we did.